Bob Andelman's Article Archives: Best of the Worst 1989 (Tampa Bay Life)

Tampa skyline via Wikipedia By Bob Andelman
(Originally published in the Tampa Bay Life, 1989)

Worst beach: Ben T. Davis, along the Courtney Campbell Parkway. Small, cramped, loud, dirty, full of guys named Mr. Potatohead and girls named Ms. Greenteeth. Too many reckless windsurfers, jetskiers, cigarette boat show-offs and overpriced hot dog vendors.

Best Street to re-name for Martin Luther King, Jr.: Crosstown Expressway. It doesn't go through any neighborhoods, no one will have to spend money on new stationery and it's going to grow in stature and use over the years. Besides, Crosstown Expressway is an unimaginative, bureaucratic name.

Best Street to re-name for the late Ayatollah Khomeini: U.S. 19.

Most Annoying TV Commercial: Sorry, Tom Stimus. You've won so many years, the judges had to disqualify you. The new title holder: D & D Auto Sales - "The Working Man's Friend." This is the one where used cars flash behind a corn-fed guy in a polyester suit who shouts and snaps his fingers. "I'll sell you this car for $400 down. ... (Snap) This car ... (Snap) This car ... (Snap) This car ... "

Media Figure We'd Like to Strangle: This just in: anchorman puts foot in mouth, film at 11. Ch. 8 news anchor Bob Hite, with Ch. 10's Sheryl Browne a close second. Just look good and read the news! Every extraneous word out of your mouths is embarrassing! Stop trying to be clever or philosophical - you're not!

Best Media Figure Overall: Scud, the Ch. 13 weather dog

Best TV News Firing: Ch. 10 weather guy Dick Fletcher. He's fired. But don't tell him. Sure, you can print that. What? The new guy isn't a certified meteorologist? You newspaper folks sure have good sources. Wish somebody had told us that before we hired him. Damn. Well, it's a good thing we still have Fletcher. Fired? Oh, that was just a little joke. Dick? Dick?

Best Bagels: Clearwater Bagels, 1871 Gulf to Bay Blvd., Clearwater. Worth getting up earlier on a Sunday morning to drive from anywhere for. We like 'em plain - no cream cheese, lox or nothin'.

Best place to girl watch: Biarritz, 1730 US Hwy. 19 N., Clearwater on "Naughty Nighty Night."

Best neighborhood bar: Ringside Cafe, 2742 4th Street N., St. Petersburg.

Best person to invite to your party: Amy Scherzer, the Tribune's party/society columnist

Best social event, Pinellas: Clearwater Jazz Holiday. Four nights of waterfront be bop listening to the stars under the stars.

Best fund-raising event, Pinellas: A Taste of Pinellas. A delicious way to raise cash for All-Children's Hospital. Dozens of Pinellas restaurants gather in downtown St. Petersburg at waterfront Straub Park and serve scaled-down samples of their finest dishes, from teriyaki chicken kabobs to crepes suzette, for $2 or less.

Best waterfront bar: The Hurricane Seafood Restaurant, 807 Gulf Way, St. Petersburg Beach. The winner and still champion. Buy a drink inside at the bar or at screen window and watch the sun set over the Gulf of Mexico.

Best elevator ride: Barnett Plaza. Just to be sure, we wrote it up and down to the 41st floor continuously for about half an hour. This 'vator has it all: classical music in stereo, dark wood paneling, mirrored glass doors, a red LED display of floor numbers and a computerized voice that announces floor numbers, "Going down" and "Lobby." You can hear and feel the wind rustling as the first 40 floors fly by and your ears pop.

Worst elevator: The Pier, St. Petersburg.

Best french fries: Bexley's Soul-Fried Chicken and BBQ. The best fries - heavily salted, natch - bar none. The perfect snack for that long, bumper-to-bumper crawl across the bridges at rush hour.

Best BBQ: Big John's Alabama BBQ #4, corner of Cass St. and Nebraska Ave. in downtown Tampa. One of the last bastions of a proper rib sandwich: slabs of whole ribs - bones and all - slathered with a special blend of hot sauce between two slices of white bread. Top it off with a fresh-baked peach or potato pie. Yuppies can quench their thirsts with a bottle of I.B.C. Root Beer.

Best place for breakfast: Munch's Sundries & Restaurant, 3920 6th St. S., St. Petersburg. The place to read a Sunday newspaper.

Best grouper sandwich: Frenchy's Shrimp & Oyster Cafe, 41 Baymont, Clearwater Beach.

Worst scandal: Ch. 10's news directors snooping into the Ch. 13 newsroom's computers. Gave a whole new journalistic meaning to the term "hacker."

Best chicken wings: Hooters. Never mind the nubile, wise-cracking gals serving them, these wings fly high.

Best bumper sticker: Back to Atlanta, Creative Loafing

Worst architecture: NCNB Tower, corner Ashley St. & Kennedy Blvd., Downtown Tampa. No competition. A long, rugged cylindrical superstructure, notched at the tip with two hard boxes at the base. What does it look like to you?

Best area landmark: University of Tampa's renovated, sparkling minarets. Even more delightful in the shadow of the NCNB Tower, just across the Hillsborough River.

Worst area landmark: The hands and feet colored cement impressions of rock stars like Dave Mason, Pat Travers and Wet Willie at Peaches Records & Tapes in Clearwater.

Second Best tourist attraction: U.S. 19. At least, that's where the tourists spend most of their time.

Worst tourist attraction: Sunken Gardens. We hear it's for sale. Perhaps the new owners will do something about the tchotchke shop you have to walk through before getting to the gardens, which aren't too bad. And teach those damn birds in the aviary some manners, too.

Best beach: Clearwater Beach, for tourists; Fort De Soto Park, for residents

Best selection of beer: Shep's Food Mart, 2001 4th St. N., St. Petersburg. Locals love this place for its eight cabinets of cold brew, with dozens upon dozens of domestic, imported and s label lagers available individually, by the six-pack, case or even one-gallon keg. Where else to find Kiwi (Australia), Samuel Smith's Oatmeal Stout (England), Singha (Thailand), Sweet China (People's Republic of China), Pilsen (Peru) and the very rare Anchor Steam Beer from San Francisco?

Best place to make-out: Tampa International Airport parking deck roof when there's a full moon. But don't get too carried away: those snoops in the nearby control tower have powerful binoculars.

Best business name: E.S.P. Investigators, Pinellas Park

Best news we've heard in 1989: Tampa's would-be baseball team owners agree to play in St. Petersburg's would-be baseball stadium.

Worst news we've heard in 1989: Orlando launches a season ticket drive for its would-be baseball team.

Best capitalist pig: Paul Bilzerian, St. Petersburg corporate raider convicted of securities fraud

Best Excuse for Quitting Your Job: St. Petersburg Times food critic Carol Kirshenbaum left the paper shortly after revealing she was allergic to certain foods.

Best place to almost hear Neil Diamond: The lounge at Dunedin Lanes, 405 Patricia Ave., where Bobby "Florida's Neil Diamond" Palmero can be usually found.

Worst place to find your wife with another man: The Rand Motel, 4800 34th St. N., St. Petersburg. Waterbeds, X-rated movies in room, mirrored ceilings, jacuzzis and a staff that doesn't ask questions and knows when to look the other way.

Best radio re-hiring: Z-93's pickup of Jon "Rock 'n Roll" Anthony from Q105. The 'Z' has made a habit of hiring castoffs from other Tampa Bay radio stations, including Jack Harris (Q105) and Jeff Lawrence (Lite Rock 95.7).

Best defunct alternative newspaper: Tampa Bay Weekly

Best Original Rock 'n' Roll Band: Bobby Friss Band

Best Bar Band: Johnny G. Lyon Band. Hey Johnny, do that thing where you play the guitar over your head and pick it with your teeth !

Best Place to Get Married: The roof of Bon Appetit, 148 Marina Plaza, Dunedin, which overlooks the Intracoastal Waterway. But watch out for babes in bikinis, gliding by on cigarette boats, who will drop their tops to remind the groom of what he's giving up.

Best political flip-flop: Bill Sharpe, former chairman of the Pinellas County Democratic Party, now a Republican

Best run for office: Bob Merkle for U.S. Senate. His losing campaign was one of the liveliest in recent years. Nicknaming his opponent, Connie Mack, "Cardboard Connie" was priceless, as was debating a cardboard cutout of the senator.

Must read: "Bridging the Bay" in the Tampa Bay Business Journal and Howard Troxler's "Palm Tree Politics" in the Tribune.

Worst comics: The St. Petersburg Times. They use a mechanical technique to compress the daily comics, distorting the images. Don't believe it? Compare any day's strips to the Tribune's. And we wonder about the decision-making that replaced the politically oriented "Pogo" with the black stereotypes of "Curtis." It's like replacing Jesse Jackson with Amos 'n Andy.

Worst reputation: Joe Redner, topless bar king of Tampa Bay. You can't keep a good man closed down.

Bring back: Ken Broo, former Ch. 10 sportcaster

Best meat market: Old New York, New York, U.S. 19, Clearwater

Best College to be from: University of Florida. Goooooooo Gators!

Best In-town Weekend Getaway: Hyatt Westshore

Best movie featuring St. Petersburg: Cocoon (filmed in St. Petersburg)

Worst movie featuring St. Petersburg: Cocoon II (filmed in MIami)

Best comic book store: Merlin's Books, either location.

Best newspaper in-print in-fighting: The Times' Tom French and Hubert Mizell. In the pages of the Floridian, French has been pushing to have the Florida Suncoast Dome re-named the Thunderdome. The paper even set up a '900' telephone number for readers to vote for it. On the same day results were announced, Mizell responded in the sports section that Thunderdome was too scary. He's pushing Florida Dome. Here's a compromise: How about Tom McEwen Stadium?

Worst decision made by Hugh Culverhouse: It's a tossup: Let's trade Doug Williams! Hire Leeman Bennett! Draft Bo Jackson! Let Vinny Testaverde skip the eye exam! Move to Orlando!

Saddest tourist attraction: Noell's Chimp Farm, Alt. 19, Tarpon Springs. Where damaged, elderly and forgotten circus and zoo animals are put out to pasture.

Best place to take British royalty to dinner: Bern's Steak House. That's where Princess Anne recently chowed down. Guess they figured she'd have an appreciate of the red velvet, turn-of-the-Renaissance, brothel decor.

Best restaurant to keep secret: La Paella Loca, St. Petersburg Beach. If you spill the beans, at least don't let on about the special paella.

Best good news/bad news we've heard in 1989: Hugh Culverhouse announces "his" Tampa Bay Buccaneers may play three regular season games in Orlando.

Best reason to root for the Bucs: See previous response.

Best catch-phrase: Seeeeee ya!

Best billboard: The drowning ape in WNLT "Lite Rock 95.7"s "When You've Outgrown the Zoo" campaign.

Best Help Wanted Ad:
EDITOR
CREATIVE LOAFING is looking for a managing
needed for part-time sales, approx. 30 hrs. per
week. Apply in person. MUSIC EXPRESS, 2nd
floor, Eastlake Mall, Tampa.

Best Sign of Hope for Tampa Voters: We don't have Tom Vann to kick around anymore.

Worst sign: "Big" Jim Selvey is still kicking.