Tampa Bay Storm Founding Owner Bob Gries (Tampa Bay Life)

Tampa Bay Storm uniform image via Wikipedia

(The following story appeared in Tampa Bay Life in 1990.)

By Bob Andelman (E-MAIL)

If the Buccaneers ever get into a playoff game, it's unlikely you'll ever see owners Hugh, Gay or Hugh Jr. hanging around the ticket line, greeting fans and chatting amiably. But that's exactly what Tampa Bay Storm owner Bob Gries did last summer at the Florida Suncoast Dome box office. He surprised arena football fans - many of whom camped out overnight - by introducing himself and saying hello as they reached the front of the line. "It's the little things," says the 34-year-old team owner. (He even loaned $3 to the first person in line when the fan came up short.) Gries is a different breed of sports franchise owner - as different as the 50-yard indoor arena game is from the 100-yard outdoor NFL contest. But not too different; his family owns 43 percent of the Cleveland Browns. When his Pittsburgh Gladiators averaged just 2,000 fans per game in 1990 - "I lost half a million dollars in eight weeks" - he relocated to Tampa Bay. The Storm lost its opening game but electrified over 10,000 curious fans, who multiplied to a league record of 25,000 as the season rolled on. Every football fan in town soon knew the touchdown combination of quarterback Jay Gruden and receiver Stevie Thomas - both local products - who led the wildly outfitted Storm to the arenaball championship in August. "I think what surprised me was how the whole community got caught up in it," says Gries. "George Steinbrenner called me the last week of the season - he needed 10 more tickets." A video of highlights from the winning season, "Taking Tampa Bay By Storm," is now on sale in local stores. Most of the squad returns this year under new head coach Larry Kuharich. Meanwhile, Gries - who sold his New York-based computer software company last fall to concentrate on the Storm - will bring another offbeat sports franchise to Tampa this summer: Team Tennis. His Tampa Bay ???????? will play matches at the Tampa Convention Center. "This is really Arena Football in tennis shorts," he says with a grin. "Same principle: just go out and win." Gries wants one more franchise, though. He'd like to bring an NBA basketball team to town.

Copyright 2008 Bob Andelman. Click here for copyright permissions!

Best and Worst of 1991 (Tampa Bay Life)

Image via Wikipedia By Bob Andelman
(Originally published in the Tampa Bay Life, 1991)

What makes something the best? What makes it the worst?

Why, we do, of course.

This is the third year Tampa Bay Life has contributed to the local culture by stepping out on a palm frond to pronounce "The Best and Worst of Tampa Bay."

Putting aside all risks to their persons and professional reputations, Bobs Casterline and Andelman have once again searched (and scorched) the earth and sea for the finest and crummiest our community has to offer. And unlike amateur compilations offered elsewhere, the Bobs go beyond the easy ones like best pizza or best doughnut. Where else to find "Best News About Pinellas Park" or "Best Meteorologist, Cooking Division"? Or "Worst Father" and "Worst Art Show"?

(The Bobs' enthusiasm for their task was dampened only when plans for a new category - "Worst Restaurant Larger Than One City Block" - had to be scratched when The Kapok Tree in Clearwater closed.)

As is a Tampa Bay Life tradition, our readers have chimed in with their two grouper fingers' worth. So please, without further ado and self-aggrandizement, meet this year's winners and losers.

Best Reason to Start Watching the Local Evening News Again: Kelly Ring, co- anchor of WTVT Ch. 13's "Eyewitness News"

Best Track Event: 2nd Annual University of Florida Nude Relays

Best Business Name: Spurt & Squirt, Inc., Pinellas Park

Best Bite: St. Petersburg's Dogwater Cafe serves its meals in dog food bowls

Worst Tabloid (But We Read It Cover to Cover): The Tatler, Saint Pete's most anticipated and feared birdcage liner. Mike Allen lives in Pinellas Park but for some reason publishes a free rag that is distributed only in St. Petersburg's better neighborhoods. He is vicious and unrelenting towards city officials, Bay Plaza, the Times and anyone who won't buy advertising. His spelling and grammar stink, too.

Best Name for a Failed Business: Classic Casket Galleries, Largo

Sheryl Browne Knows Noose: The WTSP Ch. 10 news anchor wore a noose around her neck during a news update on Halloween.

Best Sports News: Three new sports franchises: The Tampa Bay Lightning (National Hockey League), Tampa Bay Storm (arena football) and Suncoast Sunblasters (United States Basketball League).

Worst Sports News: No baseball franchise. Drat! Drat! And double-drat!

Most Gratuitous Sex Video: Pinellas County Commissioners asked Vision Cable not to broadcast its "frank and candid" debate of an ordinance to regulate nude dance clubs and theaters.

Smith WAS Overhead Saying "Gobble, Gobble": Gov. Lawton Chiles nearly ran over Secretary of State Jim Smith in the wee hours of the morning while on a turkey hunting trip in a rural area outside Tallahassee. Chiles was trespassing on Smith's property and didn't see his secretary. Or so he says.

Best Art Show: Gasparilla, Tampa. Innovative artists, genres and variety.

Worst Art Show: Mainsail, St. Petersburg. Booooooring. It becomes more like a senior citizens' crafts show each year. We're curious about the upcoming show by artists whom the Mainsail selection committee rejected.

Biggest Coup: The St. Petersburg Times hired political columnist Howard Troxler away from the Tampa Tribune.

Persian Gulf Update #1: A Dade County judge said babies whose parents were deployed for months to the war in Kuwait should be put up for adoption if a relative can't care for them.

Best Neon: The surfer in the window of On The Beach Sports and Swimwear, Madeira Beach.

Kill All the Lawyers But This One: Richard Reinhart, a Bradenton assistant public defender, said not one word in defense of his client, prison escapee Thomas Edward Clements. It took a jury just seven minutes to convict Clements.

Best Garage Sale: Tampa Palms developer Ken Good's.

Persian Gulf Update #2: After three months without receiving a payment on his car loan, Barnett Bank of Tallahassee sent a threatening notice of delinquency to Anthony Giugliano. In Saudi Arabia. Giugliano was an Army reserve sergeant called up during the early stages of Operation Desert Shield. (The bank later froze the loan after a barrage of negative publicity.)

Worst Place to Skinny Dip: Madeira Beach. Lt. Matthew McShane arrested Roxanne Murasso and Gunther Fick for taking a midnight swim in the buff. Fick was allowed to put his clothes on for the trip to the police station; Murasso was not. McShane handcuffed the naked lady, put the naked lady in the back of his cruiser and paraded the naked lady through the Madeira Beach police station before being allowed to dress. The naked lady is now in therapy and will probably sue.

Best Bridging the Bay News: The new span of the Howard Frankland Bridge finally opened and construction began on the 49th Street Bridge.

Best Business Strategy: A record 13,251 bankruptcies were filed in Hillsborough County in 1990, an increase of 34% over the previous year.

Best Business Editor: After the St. Petersburg Times fired Len Apcar due to an alleged conflict of interest, the New York Times snapped him up as assistant business-finance editor. "We're satisfied there was no conflict," said his new Times boss.

A Horse is a Horse, Of Course, Of Course: Dr. Edward and Patty Kampsen of Tampa bought a horse for $18,000. It was intended to be used by their two children for show jumping but the horse was blind. They returned it. Horse #2 was too tall to qualify for youth shows. They returned it. Horse #3 had damaged ligaments and couldn't be riden at all. They returned it. Horse #4 was a thoroughbred the Kampsens hired to sue the seller of horses #1-3.

Persian Gulf Update #3: Two weeks before the outbreak of hostilities, U.S. Sen Connie Mack (R-Fl.) sent a letter to supporters asking for campaign contributions. He said sending money to him would "show support for our troops and our president."

Best Break: Roger McGuinn hired Largo-based band The Headlites to support and open shows for him on his 1991 world concert tour.

Best News About Pinellas Park (Gateway to Largo): They're improving their image; they're waxing the cars that are up on blocks.

Worst Father: A St. Petersburg man allowed a friend to rape his mentally retarded 9-year-old daughter in exchange for cigarettes. The girl's mother was in love with the man and held her daughter down for him.

Worst Road Hog: Traffic along the Howard Frankland bridged creeps along on a daily basis, but it came to a full stop for hours when a 500-pound pig named Goober escaped from the rear door of his owner's pick-up truck.

Best Excuse to Ride a Bus: The Pinellas Suncoast Transit Authority re-painted one of its buses to look like a '59 pink Cadillac.

Best-Kept Secret of Tampa's Neighborhoods: Police raided a "medieval dungeon" on Armenia Avenue where bizarre sex rituals were performed. Confiscated items included racks, whips, chains, masks, paddles, enema bottles and devices used to crush male genitalia.

Separated at Birth #1:
Developer Ken Good and Exxon Valdez Captain Joseph Hazelwood

Most Promising TV Personality: Kathy Fountain, WTVT Ch. 13. The midday talk show "Eye on Tampa Bay" would be "Murphy in the Morning" without Fountain's warmth, sincerity and journalistic technique. She's been at the station for years but is only now in full bloom.

Racial Intolerance #1: Wendell Bennett Jr., a reserve deputy in the Pinellas County Sheriff's Department, used a racial slur during a conversation inadvertently broadcast over a main dispatch radio channel. He was suspended for 14 days and ordered to attend ethnic sensitivity training.

Best Meteorologist, Cooking Division: Laura York, WFLA TV Ch. 8. She's won more state fair blue ribbons for her recipes than Ch. 13's Roy Leep and Ch. 10's Dick Fletcher combined.

Weirdest Sign: Hemmorhoid Clinics of America: "It's So Much Easier," Henderson Blvd., Tampa.

Best Mom: Rosa Martinez. After the agonizing tragedy of daughter Eliana's death from AIDS, Rosa took in two orphan sisters diagnosed with the deadly disease.

Best Mexican Restaurant/Convenience Store: El Sombrero, Largo

Worst Local TV News: WTSP's "Newscenter 10."

Best Line: To prevent men from using snakes as a way of meeting women on its beaches, the Madeira Beach City Commission passed an ordinance prohibiting reptiles on the beach. Turtles are advised to swim north to Indian Shores.

Best Sandwiches, Health Food Division: Caryl's Natural Foods, 121 Ft. Harrison N., Clearwater. Great shakes, too.

Dumbest Counterfeiter: Joseph T. Hill of Orlando became the first U.S. citizen ever convicted of counterfeiting Polish currency. The feds say Hill printed 3 million zlotys - worth about $316 - on his laser copy machine.

Best Autograph: On the wall of Magadan's Sports Cafe is a picture of one-time Tampa Bay Buccaneers first-round draft choice Bo Jackson. The inscription reads: "To Doc Gooden - Tampa Bay ain't shit. Bo Jackson."

Best Fight: Clearwater resident and Philadelphia Phillies catcher Darren Daulton went after St. Petersburg resident and New York Mets pitcher Dwight Gooden at Veterans Stadium in Philadelphia.

Worst Potential In-laws: A St. Petersburg couple was arrested after the husband picked up his step-daughter's boyfriend, held him overhead and tossed the boy off a 12-foot balcony. The parents were upset when they found their daughter, who is 12, alone with the boy, who is 14.

Best Burger Alternative: Gregory's Flame-Broiled Chicken, Clearwater and St. Petersburg

Best Magazine Selection: BookStop, Countryside Square, Clearwater.

Best Buns, State Attorney Division: The jury convicted Brian Keith Smith of first-degree murder for shooting a motel clerk to death. But before reconvening to decide whether Smith deserved life in prison or death in the electric chair, they asked a bailiff to deliver a single rose to Assistant State Attorney Robert Heyman. It seems the female jurors had enjoyed watching Heyman's backside during the trial. They even developed a nickname for him: "Bunsy."

Best Buns, Toy Division: A "Ken" doll - as in "Barbie and Ken" - purchased in a Tampa toy store was rather unusual: Ken was wearing women's clothes. The unique find was featured in Newsweek and Fortune magazines, as well as the Joan Rivers Show until a store clerk admitted it was just a late night prank. Ken is not - we repeat, not - a transvestite.

Separated at Birth #2:
St. Petersburg Times columnist Howard Troxler and late Times Publisher Nelson Poynter

Catchy Title: Both the Times and Tribune retitled their annual guides to the bay area "Discover Tampa Bay."

Best Way to Make Friends with Advertisers: After Creative Loafing Music Editor Tom Roe wrote about concert promoters in his weekly column, legendary promoter Jack Boyle of Cellar Door responded: "Dear Mr. Roe - Since you are so busy writing editorials about 'slimy promoters,' we will save you some time. In the future, don't call us for advertising ... we will call you. Sincerely, Jack Boyle."

Worst Job Candidate: Safety Harbor was interested in hiring Charles Dubyak as its new city manager. The city offered him a $58,000 salary - $17,000 more than he was making as manager of the small Panhandle town of Mary Esther. That wasn't enough for Dubyak. In his counter-offer, he asked for a $61,500 salary, use of a new car every three years (or a $500 monthly vehicle allowance); six months of severance pay regardless of why he might leave the job; life insurance of $100,000 on his wife and $75,000 on his three sons; and closing costs on the sale of his current home and on the purchase of a new one. Dubyak didn't get the job.

Most Annoying Columnist: Neil Cote of the Tampa Tribune's Pinellas/south regional edition. An endless whiner.

Best 3 out of 5: Nick Kordas and Scott Wilson agreed to flip a coin to decide who would win a hotly contested seat on the Redington Beach City Commission after each received 307 votes. Kordas won on the flip of a Canadian coin. As one woman told the Beach Beacon, "Only in American can an election be decided with a Canadian coin."

Worst Luck: A new newspaper, The Informer, vows to print the names of everyone arrested in Pinellas County. Sometimes they even print one that wasn't arrested, as in the case of a St. Petersburg carpet installer and father of three whose name was listed under cocaine busts. The man's employer saw the listing and fired him. "Unfortunately," said Publisher Ray Aden, "some people might be hurt by this."

Worst Credit Risk: Dixie Lee Dorsey, an unemployed Winter Haven woman whose only income is $480 a month from Social Security, ran up $43,714 on seven American Express cards during a whirlwind tour of Europe.

Best Reason to Buy Disposable Diapers: Ten-month-old Brandi Lynn Ford was saved from harm by her Huggies diaper when two men burst into her parents Riverview home and fired three shots during a robbery. One of the shots tore through Brandi Lynn's diaper and stopped. "It was a really thick diaper," said her mom.

It's the Real Thing: The Pinellas County Sheriff's Narcotics Bureau traded two tractor-trailers filled with 5,000 cases of Coca-Cola to Largo drug dealers for 350 pieces of crack cocaine and $13,000 in cash. (The drug dealers were later arrested.)

Best Reason to Advertise: Lonely convenience store manager John Young, 45, put a "wife wanted" sign on the side of his car. The Tribune wrote about the Clearwater man and the story was reprinted across the U.S. and Canada, prompting hundreds of calls. That's how he finally met Marilyn Dozier of Lake Charles, La., who began their first conversation, "Have you found any woman who wants to marry you yet?"

Sweetest Money Pit: With honey oozing out of every nook and cranny in their new home in northwestern Hillsborough County, Allen and Annette Clausen discovered 300 pounds of honeybee hives in the walls.

Best New Radio Station: SportsRadio 910 AM, WFNS. All sports, all the time.

Best Disc Jockey: Alicia Kaye, Q105, 9 a.m.-2 p.m. The first new talent hired at the Q after the Mason Dixon purge. Great pipes, she's funny and sexy.

Worst New Radio Station: Mix 96 FM, WMTX. All Mason Dixon, all the time.

Oh, That Gay! Parochialism is alive and well. Gay Culverhouse, president of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, told W magazine all about the differences between Tampa and St. Petersburg. "No one I know ever crosses the bridge that connects the two towns," she said. "I'm dead in the water there (St. Petersburg). I have no idea where I am. The two areas just don't mix." Except when buying over-priced tickets and concessions at Bucs games, of course.

Tribune Makes Everything Clear: "Tampa is a city, the location of Tampa Stadium, the location of Super Bowl XXV. Tampa Bay is a body of water between Tampa and some other places across the bay. So, if you're in Tampa right now, so far so good. If you're in Tampa Bay, your week is off to a bad start; get out before it gets worse. Tampa. ... Tampa Bay. ... Any questions?"

Racial Intolerance #2: Indian Shores Town Council member Jane Hawk referred to Martin Luther King Day as "National Nigger Day" and called blacks "spuds." She said King Day was a holiday for blacks and since Indian Shores had no black employees, the town shouldn't observe the federal holiday.

Worst Surgeon: Pennsylvania heart surgeon Dr. Horace MacVaugh was granted a Florida medical license despite being the subject of 18 malpractice suits since 1979. Nine of the patients in the suits died and nine of the suits were dropped.

Best Sounds: The Southeast Music Conference showcased 60 local rock, jazz and alternative bands at three venues over two days and was an incredible success for both music lovers and musicians.

Let's See, If He Didn't Mean Men, He Must Be Referring to ... : Florida Gov. Lawton Chiles urged young men at a Panhandle high school to respect the rights of "the weaker sex."

Let's See, If He Didn't Mean Buddhists, He Must Be Referring to ... : Along with special messages of congratulations for two members of St. Joseph's Church in Zephyrhills celebrating their 101st and 105th birthdays, an aide to Gov. Chiles inadvertently included a cover letter in which Chiles wrote, "Another special favor for the fish-eaters."

Best Billboard: "We Are Growing: LARGO - Home of 70,143 Nice People and 15 Old Grumps."

Best Book By an Ex-Buc: "Quarterblack, Shattering the NFL Myth," by Doug Williams.

Welcome to the 20th Century (You Almost Missed It): Ye Mystic Krewe of Gasparilla accepted its first black members. Women, you're next (if you live that long).

Best Columnist: Chef Miles, Creative Loafing

Best Local Band Name: Liz Back on Booze
Copyright 2008 Bob Andelman. Click here for copyright permissions!

Tampa Bay Storm (Gallery Magazine)

Image via Wikipedia Profile By Bob Andelman (Originally published in Gallery)

Getting smashed into a four-foot high wall by a 300-pound defensive goon who got cut by the NFL and gets therapy from trashing $500-a-week QBs neatly summarizes the Arena Football League.

It's an image that makes Tampa Bay Storm quarterback Jay Gruden, MVP of the 1993 Arena Bowl, rub his neck and grimace.

"In a playoff game," he says, "I once hit the wall and my neck snapped back over it. I fell to my knees and felt my neck to see if my head was still attached. If I'm rolling out near the wall, I make sure I get rid of the ball and brace myself. They try to kill the quarterback if you get near the walls."

Arenaball, a hybrid of football and hockey, is one strange game. Scoring is higher and more electric than the NFL.

Advertising-plastered, hockey-style dasher boards enclose the thin, green AstroTurf field, setting up pinball bumpers great for getting players' bells rung. Floor-to-ceiling rebound nets enclose narrow goal posts in the end zones, keeping errant kicks and too-high passes in play. Punts become TDs for the kicking team in the blink of an eye.

Almost everything shrank to fit the Arena league. The field? A mere 50 yards long and half as wide as an NFL field. And count the players out there 8, not 11. Offensive players with the exception of the quarterback and kicker stay on the field when the ball changes hands and do double-duty as defenders. Scoring is the standard 3 points for a field goal and 6 for a touchdown. But the 2-point conversion is an option for extra points. First downs still take 10 yards, but the average penalty relinquishes just 3. And kickers should never complain of being beyond their field goal range in this league.

"Obstacles such as the boards give the gladiator aspect to the players. The rebound nets keep the game alive, faster, like you're playing 'Keep Away,' " says Lary Kuharich, head coach of the Storm. "The players go both ways. That aspect certain players in the NFL couldn't do it. We play 7 minutes straight offense, defense or kicking. They have to be talented at all three. That, to me, is what makes it fun."

You don't get rich in this league. Scrubs and stars alike get paid the same $500 a week. A winning team pays a $150 bonus per man, per game.

On the Storm, only Gruden works year-round, handling promotional and community chores in the off-season. His favorite receiver, Patrolman Stevie Thomas, collects a paycheck from the St. Petersburg Police Department from August to May.

Arenaball means a two-hour, Friday or Saturday night roller-coaster ride for fans of the Tampa Bay Storm, Orlando Predators, Miami Hooters, Detroit Drive, Cleveland Thunderbolts, Albany Firebirds, Charlotte Rage, Dallas Texans, Cincinnati Rockers and Arizona Rattlers. This May, Las Vegas and Milwaukee join the summer league.

"You want to watch a three-hour event with five minutes of action? Or do you want something that's going to keep you on the edge of your seat?" Detroit Coach Tim Marcum asks. "We're always in scoring position, even on our own 5-yard line. But timing is so much a factor. You can't drop back and hold the ball five seconds. You do and you have a good chance of getting the crap knocked out of you."

Tampa Bay football fans took to the Storm in part because the team, and its ballsy owner, are the antithesis of the hapless NFL Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Storm games are non-stop, high-scoring, air-conditioned parties. Buc games are slow-moving, non-scoring, 100 percent humidity crying games. The Storm wins; The Bucs lose. Storm owner Bob Gries sits right behind his boys, in clear sight and earshot, screaming, cheering and agonizing over every play. He high-fives players and fans after wins.

"People in Tampa talked about how much they hate to lose," Gries says. "I'm totally, totally committed to winning, whatever it takes. I know how to be successful at things. Most of the time it's a good plan, a commitment to winning, then working like a madman."

Gries promised Storm season ticket holders 10 wins last year or they'd get a 20 percent refund. The Storm won 12, including the 1993 ArenaBowl, thumping Detroit 51-31. It was the Storm's second championship in three years, both at the hands of the Drive.

Gries is one of several Arenaball owners with experience in other sports; his family has owned a 43 percent interest in the Cleveland Browns since 1936. Detroit Drive owner Mike Illitch owns the Detroit Tigers, Red Wings and Little Caesars Pizza. Jerry Colangelo splits his time between his Arenaball Arizona Rattlers and the Phoenix Suns. Not surprisingly, their teams plus Don Dizney's Orlando Predators are consistently the class of the league, its toughest competitors.

Entering its eighth season , the Arena Football League has put comparisons to other failed NFL alternatives the WFL, USFL and WLAF behind it. Attendance has steadily improved. Coaching switched from a summer job to a year-round career. ESPN 2 signed on with a national TV deal.

Several NFL veterans found a second home in this league: Major Harris, Art Schlichter, Don Strock, Roman Gabriel, Danny White, Dick Nolan, Joe Kapp and Keith Browner, to name a few.

There is also talk of establishing a second season, in which Arenaball teams would take a month off, then move to Europe for a 10-game season, playoff and championship game. Like the NFL, the Arena Football League has sponsored sellout exhibitions in Paris, London and Frankfurt. And a second season would give players a chance to play football year-round instead of juggling two jobs.

"Great," Gruden snaps. "A year-round bruise. Year-round soreness."

Fans come close to the action in Arenaball. You can actually reach out and touch the players sometimes even beating a receiver to a catch. But that closeness can have its disadvantages, as an Orlando fan learned when he taunted Storm coach Lary Kuharich about penalties.

"Fuck you," Kuharich told the guy, who answered the coach in kind. Looking back at the fan, Kuharich said, "Fuck you, asshole." Kuharich walked over and gave the guy a hard shove. That emptied both benches.

Don't tell Kuharich it's not real football.

"The players and coaches who wind up in Arenaball are the ultimate warriors of our day and age," he says. "They don't care what people say. The public image of whether it's minor league or major league doesn't matter. This is football. It's not some kind of hoax."

During a Storm game against cross-state rival the Orlando Predators last season, a Predator took a cheap shot at one of Kuharich's guys without being answered in kind. "Jesus Christ! Knock him on his fuckin' ass!" Kuharich exploded. "If they're going to give us a flag, take him out! Take him out of the fuckin' game!"

A fan near the Storm bench couldn't believe what he just heard.

"That's all right," his pal tells him. "Last year, he made two of his own linebackers cry."

Copyright 2008 Bob Andelman. Click here for copyright permissions!